I had a dream last night. My adult sons were children again, and I could see the most beautiful details in them. They were sitting on sleeping bags inside of a huge walk-in tent, their cute little faces with wide eyes, and the curly hair of my youngest bouncing over his forehead as he moved about. Sitting down with him, I held his head in my hands and just loved him. I felt a little heartache upon waking because it felt like it had been so long since I had seen him.
Realizing how much I missed him, I wanted to go back. What’s funny is that we live together!
In exploring my unconscious, like Freud would do, I wonder what this dream was trying to tell me. It’s hard to imagine, but I know that I had issues when my boys were young, and I wasn’t always the best mom that I could be. This morning I swore that I would give anything to go back in time and spend just ONE DAY with them at that sweet young age again. They were so innocent.
My best guess would be that it was “regret,” rearing its ugly head at me due to my past mistakes. The sad truth, however, is that I can’t go back. I can’t change the past, but I CAN go forward. Maybe the dream was a wake-up call, a reminder that we are forever standing at a crossroad. We can stick with our patterns and repeat our old mistakes—if we’re not careful—or we can try to do better.
I love my family too much to miss them again, so I choose the latter. There is no room for regret. Every moment is an opportunity to begin again.
PHOTO BY SAMUEL AT PHOTEAR